Hiss

Alas
It seems there's been a misunderstanding
Between the definition
And distinction,
Of a word.
And a situation.
This. Is. My. Battle.
This is. not. my fight
What I begin
I will close
What you begin
I will hold.
You throw the shot
I assume we fight
And I will be damned.
If I let my sheild down
And all of you.
Every one.
Who told me to let it go
To just forgive.
I did.
The time before,
and before,
before.
This is now.
And I'm though with it.



-------------



I don't think
I know
You don't understand
You empathize, maybe
But otherwise blind.
Maybe I'm strange,
Or just slightly odd
But I'm tired of this.
I'm done with being told to just forget it
I didn't start this,
Why is it mine?
I stand up for you
Why can't you just stand by me?
You don't have to fight
Just don't tell me to surrender
Because just. this. once.
I want to stand.
No more falling.
Please.
Just let me be human.
Let me be angry.

why do i feel like I'm losing it
Like I'm not going to make it
Like it
Has gotten the better of me
What is happening?
I don't understand it and I sure as hell don't like it
I'm losing it
I can't keep it
Like it's running and I'm not fast enough
Not enough time
For all of it
It it it
You me them
I'm losing it

Sounding Off

Like a poet in motion
This soul in my veins
It sings and it sings and it screams
The lyrics and tune
I like them just fine
It's the end of the screams
That haunts me at times
For when it is quiet
Then I have gone deaf
And those lyrics and tune
I won't hear again

=

I must say
It facinates me.
Simply. Let's simplify.
Joy is joy
Don't quantify
A child's smile.
If love = light
And light = life
Then love = life
Sencillo, no?

Please help me
Anyone
I'm begging
I'll sink as low as i need
But save me please.
This is my home,
Sanctuary from the distopias about
So what am i supposed to do
When all the mirrors come crashing down?
The words.
Forget about the fucking words
Remember who speaks.
A mother kills to save her baby.
Is she evil?
A father fights to keep his life.
Is he wrong.
No.
We're all just human.
And it's about time we remembered that.

Outcasts

It's an odd sort of heartbreak
Being an outcast.
Like the world's fallen down,
And left you to stand
With no where to go
And no one to call
To pull you forth
From wreckage and rust
Let's stare at the silver
And we will survive
As outcasts together

Story

In the end it was a classic. Nothing original, but old time honored ideas placed into a new package and pushed into the market again. But what could be done? There may be no limit to ideas, but there is a limit to how many a person may access within their lifetime. So is it really surprising that the plot contained nothing to be toted as brilliant or original? That was simple the state of things and it could not be altered.

To be truthful he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to edit it. Call him silly and sentimental, but it was his secret project and he rather liked it. Grammatically correct with a foolproof plot, it had reduced even Shari to tears. A difficult task granted Shari was perhaps the toughest individual alive. But it was worth it, three years of his life lived like an outcast. Three years of beating his head against the wall until it bled, just to make the right words spill out.

A boy who loves a girl

Simple. But that was the first page. And essentially, that was his story. His great American novel was nothing other than a love story. A romance between two teenagers in the midst of a normal society. Simplistic and classic. He didn’t care much that he was a guy, and guys were not supposed to feel emotion, much less allow it out onto paper. This was his talent, the manipulation of words until one forgot that they were, in fact, outside the story.

Opens his mouth to share his mind

So with the manuscript in hand he walked through the halls. The pages bundled tightly into a neat, eight and one half by eleven inch, black and white stack. It was strange to walk those halls with the papers under his arm. It felt as though the entire world would look at him, look at the pages, and see right through him. And what they would do with the knowledge terrified him. If they could see into his mind, the inner workings, would they approve? Or would it be his fate to wander eternity shunned. But life is nothing without a thrill, so he continued to walk, pausing occasionally to speak to someone he knew, or smile at someone he’d like to know.

But is muzzled by the mind itself

He stopped now. Because she was there, standing there beside her locker the same as everyday. She was his best friend. The one he’d trusted most, but even she didn’t know. And today he would tell her. Confess his thoughts and let her read them, to see if she’d approve. He could see it, her mouth soften while her eyes smiled, she would turn the pages and understand everything he kept to himself. The bits of his soul she always encouraged him to bare. Here it was, everything he’d ever wanted, neatly typed, times new roman and double spaced. She looked up and waved hello. He stopped. What if she was like the rest? What if no matter how high a pedestal he placed her on, she was still the same as them all. What if she looked at him, at the words, and laughed. Shook her head and left?

So the cycle begins again

In such a mindset of total terror he arrived at the locker. Hellos were exchanged and, being naturally curious, she asked what he was carrying, oh nothing, nothing important, was the response he said as he stuffed it in his locked and quickly closed it.

“So how was your weekend?”

“Fine, yours?”

“About the same.”

With the formalities out of the way they turned and went to class, chemistry today. One of their favorites it gave them a chance to talk while pretending to study a frog or whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. The freedom to chose their own lab partners was greatly appreciated as well.

Not unlike all the times before

Once in class they sat down in their seats. Where they always did. After all, this was their spot. Everyone knew. The teacher stood in front of the class and spoke, they didn’t pay attention, never did. The scrape of chairs and shuffling of papers alerted them to the fact that the lab was beginning. He moved, automatically, towards their lab station, this time, it was she who stopped. His name was Mike, she said, only blushing a little, is it ok to work with him today? Overhead the lights fluttered, victims of budget cutbacks, sure, he shrugged, makes no difference to me. You’re the best, said she.

But something is harsher this time.

From his lab station, he watched them. And when it finally made him sick, and he had to blink, he turned his eyes towards the instructions before him. But alas it was simply words. He stared at them and rearranged, turned them from something drab to something beautiful, placed them where they ought to be. But no one noticed. Not even she, she was with Mike. The sound of them reached his ears. And while she laughed his thoughts rewound to the writing of his story. The hero had made a joke, to cheer up this lonely girl, and the girl had looked at him with sparkling eyes and laughed. And with that laugh she said so much, she said thank you, you’ve made me happy, and for that I may be able to love you. And he remembered trying to describe that laugh, and thinking back to her, remembering the last time she laughed. He remembered dreaming at night of how she;d look, with that laugh in her face when he told her that she was his motivation. His inspiration for that laugh.

With reason unknown, the sting is amplified.

But the script was in his locker. And it would stay there. Because the story had to be changed. Silly him for thinking it was done, for thinking happily ever after made a good ending. He’d have to change it. And when he had changed, he would show it to her and see if it made her happy. The girl, in his story, she would meet and angel, yes, an angel on earth, and together then would leave for sights unknown. The hero who made he laugh. He would stand back and let her go, understanding that she needed someone with wings like hers. And he would hope she would forgive him for ever trying to hold her back, for selfish reasons. For thinking that one like her would have time to read his story. But it didn’t matter much how he changed it really, one way or another, it would be a classic.

Friends

Dear friends
I have a question
What does it take
To become, one of you
So much time and yet i feel
Like I failed the test.
Maybe I'm just seeing things
I've done that before
Thought there was nothing
But it was really just me.
So now I'm falling
Down a tunnel of my own design
Wanting you to save me
Wanting you to need me
Wanting you to ignore the fact
That I hit Self Destruct
Before I fell

Anger*

Fight me please
Love shouldn't be easy
It needs fire
And almost hate
To be worth it
I need to know
This isn't a fluke
Of a restless heart
I want to see lighting
Like anger
In your eyes
Let me be your
---Fear
--------And
------------Hate
So there can be no doubt
You love me

Storms*

On a beautiful day
I will for clouds
For thunder and lighting
To strike down
For win to lash around the trees
And rain to drown the grass
I want the sky to darken
To see the heavens cry
Let the gale rip the flowers
Till petals dance in flight
The sun is simply colorless
Till it illuminates the rain

The Storyteller*

My thoughts
Like a traveling army
Stop.
Because there is no more
The lake is dry
And the fire dead
The music has stopped
And the dancers are still
Patiently
I will wait
Till you have another story
To tell

Let It Go*

When everything is at its worst
You just have to let go
Sit back and laugh
Forget questions
"How did this happen?"
Is no longer relevant
It just is
In the dark
Let yourself thinks
Nothing else to do
Time continues
And so will you
It's out of your control again
Just like forever

My Friend*

Give me a second
Before we deconstruct
Everything
Give me a moment
Before the world falls apart
To remember
The dawn
And the day
Of perfect friends
Things left unsaid scream at me
What happened?
Is this a game of my imagination?
Or just the truth
Even if you walk away
I will never leave
Trust can seesaw all it wants
I am always your friend

Mirrored Sound*

Silence breaks
With a crystal sound
Somewhere off in Otherwhere
Stillness sparkles
And peace is seldom lost
But that is there and this is here
And quiet is a hindrance
We dress ourselves in screaming garb
We prefer to think out loud
Still believe the loudest is right
We live to hear the sound

To The Mimes*

You chose

To put yourself in a box
To willingly hold yourself in
Deliberately cut off
I can not comprehend
I can not fathom why
You stand aside
Tether yourself to silence
For the sake of looking at the world
From a different view

To see the tatters we miss

No Difference *

Dance
Whirl
Treasure
Sound
Frozen passion
Brittle ground
Heartbeat
Drumbeat
You me
There is no difference
That I can see
Flesh
Fire
You
Me
Locked door

Broken key

Jinn*

Look away
To someplace else
Somewhere not so lost
Or forgotten
The ruins of the future lay about
But your eyes see something else
A color lost in mind
Begging to be free
To run rampant
And change the world you know
The heavy cost of pride is etched
In stubborn face and stance
Refuse all pity or apology for who. you. are.
Unbroken, unbending, unforgiving
You and the land

Of Sunlight

Of sunlight and...
What?
Shadows? or rain time?
Of light and ink?
And pages stained
With thoughts to sharp to breathe
Of night and fields
And words aflight
Soar with me and fall
And where we land
Alive, become
Of sunlight and love

Rest In Peace

I don't know
I guess i'm sorry
Just sorry
Sorry that for a minute i forgot
That you hurt her, she loved me
You made her cry
And I hate you for that
But I miss you
I miss you because I never knew you
Hell, what about the others
Did you ever let anyone know you?
What was your favorite color?
What did you do for fun?
Wait.
I know this one
You. wrote.
Wrote history alive
Gave me a story that i understood
I was so...Proud
Proud to have your blood.
I remember sitting, and thinking
So this is where i got it from
This desire to tell the story, to make it real
It came from you.
And from you, came him
And from him, me.
And I, I need him.
I need to understand.
Why.
Why didn't you just look around and see?
You're a fucking writer, observe
Figure out what's going on
This wasn't supposed to be a tragedy
So I'm not going to cry anymore
Dry eyed.
I'm sorry

Again and Again and Again

Please no
I turned away
I don't want this, not again
But as of yet.
I return
To this crossroad
Too subtle, its likeness I didn't see
Until
It stood
there.
And I forgot where I had left

Well Then

Hello Humanity
Humility
Remember me? I guess you needn't
I haven't been this way a while
It matters most to me
To condense
This thought I've
Had.
Oh dear, I do believe I've tripped

Bitch Please.

Let me explain something;
Pretty is not an excuse
Simpering giggles do not cloak
The shallowness of you
You have what you want.
ascended
I understand.
But do not think
That he raises you above me
Trying to look down on me
Will not disguise the fact
You. Fall.
And when you realize this. decent
Best hope all debts are settled
Before. you.
Fall.

Change of Heart

Well, thanks
Good to know I meant that much
Forgive me for confusing
A friendship of faith
For one of convenience
I hope you have wonderful conversations
With your pride
I hope I run out of reasons
To miss you

So Tell Me

So tell me,
Is it possible
To have too much
Love.
Too much of a need to save the world
Or even just those around me.
I don't begrudge it
My paradise lost
But I want to save you.
And her, and him
Just to make you all see;
Life is not controlled by what is shown to you
You have to search for it to be worth a damned thing
But isn't this nice?
To sit back and let the world spin
I confess I liked it better,
When we chased
Gravity.
Knowing ourselves the antithesis.
But at what cost?
I reckon it's good
You've only claimed this part of me
You have my time
I gave my heart
So where is my mind?

Pure

Let it burn
And may it cleanse away
Impurity
Let's call it love shall we?
That scorching flame.
How did I get so lucky?
Why was I the chosen one?
I don't deserve this
You
Not by a long shot.
And it makes me so happy
The ice melts, and when the walls crash down
My heart floods, overflows
And I cry.

Well Shit

You know, that wasn't what I meant
Ill thoughts, ill deeds, ill words
I don't really remember
what I was trying to say
But it wasn't this

Causing you pain was my least intent
And now I'm scared.
because you say it's ok,
That it's all alright
but Chico, I know you better than that

Of A Different Nature

I look at you

New thoughts
New ideas
New minds

But in my soul, it's old
I've known this
For some time now
Its just been hidden

A stirring I ignored
A wanting
Denying

Just wait for that moment of
Unfettered Joy
Out of Shadows

Someday it comes
And with her, light.
I'm beautiful, one day you'll see.

Tonight

Tonight I leave
You can come with me if you want
I'd love it.
We could be navigators on a private sea
Or maybe pioneers on an endless plain
I want to see the grass in moonlight
To know it's only us
The sound of our voices and the river alone
A symphony heard only by those
Who dare to listen.
But will you follow?
Will you come with me?
It seems I should know,
But I don't. I know that
I'm gone. I don't know
Who with.

Sap

How did you do it?
How the hell did you get so far under my skin.
It's like...
Without you, I don't know me
And it's terrifying.
I don't like being dependent
But if I don't hear from you,
I don't sleep.
It may be a sickness
But I think the cure would kill me
And as much as it pains me
I like it here.
I lose self, to give to you
So you can hand it back to me
As a gift.
As love
and patience
and loyalty
And everything I need to be
So I'll thank you for this weakness
And hope, That you're as weak as me

Rooftops

This was my place once
A place to sit a little taller
And feel the sun a little warmer
Just a place to lie still and dream,

But you decided Vanity
And took the highest place
A place for you to claim the sun
And talk of pointless things

But now you've left,
For attention yet unknown
So I reclaim my place
And whilst the ink, it stains the page
I'll watch the setting sun

Hey

I think I've figured it out
What really gets me
It's not the refusal
It's the reason.
If you are going to say something,
Then say it
Don't dance around the issue
Don't give me reasons to pacify a four year old
You made me
And i am smarter than that
Give me the why
I'll give you respect
But stop with this game
Just admit that you're lazy
Or scared
or...
Something.
Just Tell Me The Truth
And set me free.

Barbie*

For someone so beautiful
You'd think there'd be more
Some glimer of concience
Morality maybe?
Who the hell do you think you are
Make a mockery of me
Do you ever think
That things are said in silence
To KEEP them silent
I can't believe it
Why!
What makes you think you are above it all
Well newsflash chica
You taught me to stand
Now you can step down

Get It?*

If you've got a moment
I'd like to speak
Discuss
What's happened here
The truth
What is the truth?
It's gone behind masks
And smiling words
Masquerade
Facade
They're all the same
So shut up
I don't want to call you a liar
But if I don't
I fear I
Would equal
You

The End*

Enough of words!
They are wasted on the infantile
Each sentance need not be a dance
State your point and move on
Don't ask me what i mean
I only speak
Interpret these sounds however you'd like
But don't involve me
I'm done with your name
And i'm done with you

Titles Are Insignifigant Words And So This Shall Remain Unnamed*

And if in the end
We forget it all
All of that which plauges us now
Will we still be whole?
Know who we were before
Remember who we could be
In a second from here
Now will not be nor matter
Time is already lost
And with its absence
I fear for our memories
We can stand through screams
But in silence
I worry

Emos Lived*

Faith and tears
Blood and fears
Show me the shadows
I'll walk in the light
There is nothing to gain
So give me the rose
I need the thorns
To let me know I am here

Shouting*

Don’t wait for me
I’m still running
Don’t cry for me
There’s nothing wrong
Don’t pity me
I’m still fighting
Don’t fear me
I still don’t see
Who I am
A single blank for a million dreams
To love, I can’t be you
My friend and rival
Tell me
I want to know everything
Why you walk
Why you think
Why I need to know
TELL ME
If you must ignore me then face me
While you tell me nothing
Hate me if you will
Just tell it to me straight
And if it kills me
Don’t wait for me

A note

I'm going to post some of my old poetry on here. If there is a * in the title. It is older.

We All Fall Down

"Come here, I have something to say"
To spite you? Maybe.
I'd doubt it though.
A memory of trust,
a tryst
It's probably just attention
I want to know how you'd react
Would you hit me?
Hate Me?
Or something more?
Have I fallen below where you can find me?
Or are you at this depth as well?
Ah me.
Such silly musing.
I won't tell you.
It's better to keep my silence.
Because I know you wonder.
I know because I know I would.
If I were you of course.

Headaches

It's a freedom really
Not a Secret.
So why is it i can't tell you?
Hell if i know.
The same restraint that stopped me.
well, almost
Is the reason I won't say.
Not quite defiance.
I don't owe you allegiance anymore.

An Unatural Occurence

This is my Epic
Devoid of Greatness
And magic feats
I wish it would rhyme
Maybe make a little sense
But then it wouldn't belong to me
This is my story.
And I will say nothing if I want to
Use the Blank Space to speak of everything these eyes have seen
.
.
.
Consider this my story told

Previoulsy*

Little Soldier:

Little Soldier
You are beautiful
Fashioned of shadow, light and desire

Condemned

Brimstone Butterflies
Catch and hold
I belong Here

Killed again
I would like to weep too

Little Soldier
So Still

I believe we are lost


Explanation: Each phrase from this poem is a quote from the book, A Separate Peace.

Esta Anciano*

Dance away,
Dance away my world
I'll stay still and dream
It's what I do best
I become what the world wants,
For the lost;
I am a map
For the forgotten;
I must remember
For the damned;
I will burn.
I forged these bonds
Closed them with free will
I am kept
But still I breathe
Sing to keep my calm beneath your screams
These locks are mine
And you are not my key
I will now bow because you reach above me
When you look me in the eye
We will begin

Forest Fire

Hello again
And welcome back.
You have been missed.
Unity
Again.
There's the Rush;
The power trip that lifts me up
Till i'm flying over fallen things
This.
Sky.
Is.
Mine.
And when I land,
There you are.
Submission meet Aggression.
You have been overthrown.

Shot in the Dark

"I want to bullet proof your soul. Would you like to lose control?"
I don't quite know why, but I rather like that lyric. With that said, on to the show:

Wow.
So.
Not quite sure I understood it all
But does it matter?
All I know is that it's all changed.
Everything
My faith in humanity:
Ruptured.
The assassin?
Part of the whole.
Just a piece, a half,
...or a third...
By that definition then so am I
I was the Traitor
Not the assasin.
Never the killer.
I would rather wait.
Abide.
Shh...
Don't tell anyone I told you this:
The waiting is over.

Lets call it temptation shall we
that place where courage meets fear
where what you know combats with dreams
A fleeting smile, a shift in stance
read it how you may in this eternal dance
i know what i want
do you know why i'm scared?
you couldn't, you couldn't possibly know
because theres no reason
not a single one
so let's strip the situation down
and see where we begin.

((The previous poem re-written as a sonnet))
Another pioneer, so far to go.
See you the lonely pilgrim? He will fly.
Soon night will bless him with a long lost show.
And he will watch the star and moon and sky

Does God see what shows on this sinners mind?
Within the maze the walls do rearrange
Themselves to leave all rational behind.
So drift away before the seasons change.

Hold tight this ball of yarn, a dream to thread,
Or chains of fright will choke you much too soon.
And when the ties of fears at last are shed,
Then he will know the sky and star and moon

A smile sits upon his countenance, sans shame,
Within his mind the walls have moved again.

Earth Over Sky

Another pioneer

Do you see the lonely pilgrim?

So far, so long away

He watches the moon and the stars and the sky.

God only knows what he sees

Within the maze.

Another path

Where the walls rearange themselves,

Dreams are a ball of yarn,

To show him the path outside.

One day, in not too long

He will watch the stars and the sky

Look back at Earth and smile

The walls have moved again

Know What I Mean?

I guess it was all too much
or maybe, too little
i didn't really pay attention
i still don't like to think on it
seems to be it's better left alone
In your eyes i see a slippery slope
and your words and dragging me to the edge
but i don't want to fall
i like this place
this state of mind i'm in
it's...nice
it's like curling up to sleep
and knowing when you wake everything will be the same
and that same is good
Maybe you need me
and maybe i'm just selfish
but i think right now
i'm happy holding him
and i'm happy being me

Purpose?

None. Really.
Blame bordom I suppose.
Hi, I have no name.
So call me Loyalty. It's who I am.
Toodles.