This Is NOT A Surrender

First words
"Hey, I know you"
Irony.
Because just now
I find I don't.
That, or you
Are no longer you
Having changed
To someone feared.
Who I thought I knew
I loved.
Who I see now
I fear.
Because the person
You were
Was never like this.
What happened?
Was it you or I?
Did my confidence
Do this?
Or did fear?
I insist
I am not her
But I see her,
In the mirror.
And she laughs at me
Because she knows.
I think that I am not her
But she was me.
So who are we?
Now in this tangle
Of unknown terror.
Where are you?
What happened to
The one who made me
Believe in
Maybe.
I guess my advice works
For everyone but me.
So do as I say
And whatever you do
Don't be like me, Love.
Promises are words
Solidified by love.
But without a heart
They vaporize
Till you hold air and
Mistake sunlight for snow.
In the sun I've never seen
A winter quite like this.
Never was so cold.
Knowing my
quest for joy
Has ended
Heartbroken.
I know.
Irony.

"It's Genetic"

Too many thoughts
That cheer me
In a way I shouldn’t
The sinner shouldn’t wish
To continue with the sin.
Its not right
But I really don’t care.
Call me a bad influence
I’ll laugh
And proceed to have more fun
Than you.

"One Foot Wrong You'll Have To Love Me When I'm Gone"

Lets not lose it
Today.
There’s fear
But its taste
Is well known
And remember
I know what to
Do now.
But I think
You forgot.
You’ve missed the sign
Not my fault.
But here’s an idea
You can make it up
To me
Piece by piece.
Come here now
This is incomplete
Let’s fix it now
The only way I know
How to fall away
Is to go as far
As I can
Lose you
Lose myself
Help me here
At least this I understand

Where Is Cinderella?

So let’s break my mind
And line by line
Pull it apart.
Like so much fear
We lay and tremble
To realize
That this is how it is
Has always been.
The epic’s told
And at the story’s end
We search still
For a happy ending.
Where are you?
When I need you
I know you know
‘Cause that’s when you leave
And I miss you the most.
Someone said the crack's
In the crystal ball
I don’t believe them
The fault is in the eyes
That see only the failings of perfection.
Lovely ladies
Don’t lose it
Find me, I need your stories
Prick my finger and let me lay
For a thousand years.
Bring me to something new
Teach me to breathe
Where I couldn’t before.
Let me turn the page
Till bluebirds sing
If only in my find
.
.
.
Fuck you prince charming.

Last One

Step One: Status Fail

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Da da da, da da

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Oh please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Da da da, da da

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da, da da
Please, please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)

Baby please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no

You say I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back
It's gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Baby, please, please don't leave me
- Please Don't Leave Me, Pink

Step Two: Status Incomplete

1. In school
2. Have/figured out a job
3. Time for him
4. Hw and classes organized and under control
5. No other interests
6. No diseases and addictions

+ Love me and want me

Step Three: Status Unattempted

Remember what I live for, and find joy in it.

Step Four: Status ...
Win.

Can I Have Dreamed Who Have Not Slept?

Alas, how hardly things go right!
'Tis hard to watch in a summer night,
For the sigh will come, and the kiss will stay,
And the summer night is the winter day.

Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A sigh too much, or a kiss too long,
And there follows a mist and a weeping rain,
And life is never the same again.
-George MacDonald

Today is today
And shall forever be such
With a stranger chord I have never known
To echo, though shadows
Of valleys flows
Though my mind
Like an open door
To tempt me to follow.
In my head there are moors
To yet discover
But what they contain
I know will fall short
For what there was
Will never be
As I love him
And he doesn't need me.

Whore

They see her
They need her
They spurn her
They love her

She is fantasy
She is delight
She is wrong
She is night

Come want her
Some pay her
Come use her
Come leave her

She won’t apologize
She won’t submit
She won’t deny
She won’t lie

They see her
She is delight
Come use her
She won’t lie

5-3-5-5

Down to the garden
Go lay down
Go to the garden
I’ll follow you down

In a field of stars
High above
There’ll be such a glow
Where the fireflies go

Such patience I see
Midst a fire
Delight another
Quest to be higher

I’d say we go round
Prickly pear
But I find more joy
With sun in your hair

The Snake Returns

In the garden down she lay
to watch the clouds float by.
Pretty girl, do you see
how glorious the light
becomes as it flirts upon
such untainted skin.
keep your focus on the lilies
don't turn your head.
i promise, she's not as beautiful as you.
Just relax in your garden
more graceful by far, than hers
though, it dwarf your just a mite
While her roses outshine yours,
your lilacs are by far
the largest and the brightest
I have ever seen.
Now pretty girl, where do you go?
don't leave your garden chair.
If you must go, then i suppose
watch your step, don't fall.