Laments of a dying Loyalist

School Dance Much?

2010-01-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

The look means nothing
The dart away is everything
What are you hiding?
That I can't meet your eye.
We've made room for Jesus
Hell, Buddha, Thor and the whole Greek Parthenon too.
But that hasn't stopped me from noticing you
I certainly talk loud enough.
If you haven't you must truly be deaf.
But regardless, we agree
And the deities have had their say
Things are just kinda better this way.

Warfare

2010-01-21T22:59:00.000-08:00

Walk on Blind Soldier,
Shoulder your crutch and carry on.
The days grow weary
Chasing your steps as another night grows long.
On, on, exhaustion.
These eyes are tired
Having seen too much.
These arms are shaking
Having held for more than their share.
On to your mother
On to your father
Walk on blind soldier
The fight is won.
Walk on blind soldier
Go home.

Practice Makes Perfect

2010-01-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

Here it is
The bad one
Just to open up my brain
Throw out a few words
Like candy?
Not quite.
I'm just looking for inspiration.
I'm seeing beauty
But not the sound.
These columns are only steel
And your gaze is merely blank
I can't get inside
To see into the heart.
Heart. Even the spelling annoys me.
God, I'd sell my soul for a better word
One to communicate the soul.
Yuck, so melodramatic.
I am, you are, we are
A wasted space
I hope they never see this.

Creativity

2009-11-17T09:38:00.001-08:00

Silence and stillness, stillness in silence
*CRRACK!* I heard, and the solid surface gave

I am how the ice cracks
When you excitedly stretch your foot away
From solid ground and give it to the ice

I am the force that separates the ice into smaller pieces

Each spindling thread is mine
To have and to hold
To shake and to pour
From a central beat

They dance away from each other
Tinking and pinging in song

I am the water that is essential for the ice to exist

I am how the ice cracks inside a person's mind
I am how the ice cracks, and other things of the kind
Bit I am how the ice cracks, because you will find
That would not happen is God were design-blind

Complete and terrible
I encompass all things

*each stanza was a chosen excerpt from a student free-write then compiled into a poem to answer the question "What is creativity?"

Let Us Now Praise Famous Men

2009-11-14T13:34:00.000-08:00

Let us see now
The light, the glow from above
The city is raining down on us
And I
I cannot see.
I hear the children
And bare feet don't feel
The sting of the salt
Water.
Water.
Nowhere.
The city still rains
And we go on
Untroubled by the dragons.

Sawdust

2009-10-28T22:23:00.001-07:00

Here it comes again
The place where the words spill
Like sawdust flies
From the back of a freeway truck
Where the load is always covered
With a blue tarp
But for some reason
The back
Is never tied down.
And they keep coming
Coming
Till I don't know where they'll go
Covered
Drowning
My pencil can't draw fast enough
This chicken scratch and scribble
To communicate my thoughts
And share the uprising in me
My heart my soul and hand
Too much I say!
Now crescendo to more
Know the tune while we write down the score!

Improv

2009-10-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh, So lonesome and blue
Baby. go. go. go
It's all because of you
Baby go, leave me blue
So I don't have to chose
Here's madness again
Kayoo Kayoo
Oh it's taking me far
I can't see the ground
And I
Sputter, Sputter
Shatter
S t i l l m e
Somewhere
Oh fragments
I. Divide.
Don't bring me back
I can't decide

Overdose

2009-10-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, too much
Again
I repeat my
Overindulgence
And bask
In an opulent lamplight
That illuminates
In a saturated glow
My faults
My failures
My surplus
Of cracks and holes
Through which
All I am
And all I have
Spills
And spreads across the floor
Till the light
Is less rich than gracious
And I am brought inside out.
Leave me here
Undone and turned
I'll see you at the journey's end
Provided of course
I don't indulge
Again.

Colors

2009-10-28T22:11:00.000-07:00

When did the sky
Become a canvas
To which some cosmic painter
Stood and threw his soul
And at times
Some paint.
And when did this painter
Become so scared
That his clouds became smoke
And the red
Of autumns falling leaves
Felt, perhaps, too red.
What was the point
when, this artist
Tossed aside his pastels
For a vibrance
A screaming clash of color until
All the world stood round and saw
In the flash and fire of a bomb
The subtle menace of a sunrise.

Not Paying Attention

2009-10-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

I love you
But shut the hell up
You're yelling so loud
About how I'm not listening
You can't hear
My silence.
So here, let me help you
Let me explain
What this silence means:
I'm tired
I need you
Why don't you act like you care?
I love you
But I hate this
So STFU
Or I'm done
Never gone
But lost

What Do I Want

2009-10-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

The leaves have turned
To brown and fall
Like silent spectators
To the cold.
And yet nearby
There stands a flush
Of color
Loud and bold
Side by side
They grown and die
Standing in between
Eyes cast wide
I stood
And wondered why.

Father Leigh

2009-10-09T11:25:00.001-07:00

Imagine a rose
Now break it in two
Tear petal from pistal and leaf
Slice it apart
And smash between glass
Let's look closer
Now closer still.
Go beyond the faded blush
To cellular DNA
Break it down, then watch it
Break
Down
As in rot I mean
A rose by any other name I know
But I doubt the Rosa Rubrifolia should smell as sweet.

"Could Somone Save Me, Because I Don't Think I Can"

2009-09-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever, i am close to giving up. well and truly giving up. leaving all and just saying fuck it. and i want to. so so so so bad. but i can't. i was driving too fast again and tried to take my hands off the wheel. but i didn't. then i went around this corner and saw the sky and it was so beautiful. different layers of clouds illuminated by what looked like a million suns. I saw it and was glad to be there. then of course i have to think about what does that mean? am i so simplistic that that's all i need? i guess he doesn't need to be near me to make me feel stupid anymore. yay.
my best friend got married. she didn't tell me. i knew she was engaged, i was supposed to be her maid of honor, but she got married a few days ago. her husband wrote on my facebook "i'm married". that's how i found out. she looked beautiful though.

i can't do this
i can't.
itskillingme

and there we go. its over. unleash the dogs, i have found my corner.
let me go
please.

god i'm fucked. why do i do this? why can i never fall in love with someone who wants me? really. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD WILL SOMEONE DO SOMETHING FOR ME?!?!!?!! without being begged, without being asked, would someone do something nice for me? anything really. offer to drive me somewhere, pay for a coffee, hell, offer to pay for their own food. i don't mind being nice to people, or taking care of them. but (and yes, i know irony is shaking with laughter at me) i feel really fucking alone.
i don't think i have ever been this emotionally or physically exhausted.

I don't know what to do anymore. i'm so close to just leaving. but i can't. because someone might need me, and i can't disappoint people. i hate it when i do that. but sometimes it seems that's all i know how to do. just like how the harder i try to make things right, the more i fuck shit up. i'm so close to screaming all the time. you think you know me, you think you fucking get it, you have no idea what i'm doing. you have no idea what its like to take care of someone, to be at once a maid, nurse, counselor, masseuse, cook. and though it all love someone so much and have them hate you for being there, because you aren't the one they want. and there is nothing you can do about it. i know you didn't get anything you wanted this summer, but that doesn't mean i did either.

i didn't cry all weekend, time to make up for that.

when the hell did i turn into such a wreck. i don't get it. i was walking on air, nothing mattered because at the end of the day i could still call him, and maybe he wouldn't tell me it would all be ok, but he would still let me talk, and listen.
I would give anything to know what happened to that guy. but i'm scared i'm the one who killed him, and i couldn't live with myself if that was the case.

god, there's not much left of me. sure as shit no water in me left, today is the first day i've actually eaten a meal in a long time. i'm trying really hard to eat. but it's hard when every brain cell says no! you shouldn't eat that and you know it. i know that not eating won't really let you lose weight, but i think all my logic has been cried out. ha, and here i always insisted i would go bulimic first.

crystal fucking got married.
i can't get over that.

mom just knocked on my door, even she said i look like "something the cat coughed up"
i made a vow today that if i were ever to kill myself, i'd have to wait till i wasn't crying. i look utterly terrible when i cry, and i'd like to be remembered as prettily as possible. plus that is kinda like a child lock, keeps me from an emotional decision. i'm weird

In the desert full of bullets let your body rot says:
uh no, i say that because i'm trying my best to not go off at you hard, and because i TRULY believe that you're a decent person and that none of this is intentional
if i believed it were intentional, i'd say ever little mean thing that came to mind, and try to hurt you as much as humanly possible.

if you know i'm not upsetting you intentionally THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO MAD?
this post is retarded. i should delete it.

I had big plans for our future
Said I'd give you the whole world somehow
I tried makin' good on that promise
Thought I'd be so much further by now
Never could build you a castle
Even though you're the queen of my heart
But I've had the best of intentions from the start

Now some people think I'm a loser
'Cause I seldom get things right
But you make me feel like a winner
When you wrap me in your arms so tight
Please tell me you will remember
No matter how much I do wrong
That I had the best of intentions all along

I gave you a ring
And I promised you things
I always thought we'd do
But my best-laid plans
Slipped right through my hands
To show my love for you
And if you could read my heart
Then you'd know without exception
It was all with the best of intentions

So here I am asking forgiveness
And praying that you'll understand
Don't think I take you for granted
Girl, I know just how lucky I am
Though you deserve so much better
You won't find devotion more true
'Cause I've had the best of intentions
Girl, I've had the best of intentions
Yes, I've had the best of intentions loving you

- Best of Intentions, Travis Tritt

help.

Morning

2009-08-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

The day is grey
And quiet still
Seems to seep,
Past the whispers
Of our mechanical world.
I am waiting
For words to come
To express the pandemic
And terror
Of confusion inside.
The plains in my mind
Have shifted to waves
And so frolic
And roll
At their will.
And somewhere I’m lost
Still trying to find
Belonging.

Juliet

2009-08-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

This world
Will collide
With reality
And forever change
And as we careen
Continue on
I wonder
What is it?
That will stir men’s hearts
What will call them
To stand
To put forth
Left then right
To carry though
Till dawn
Who is the better poet?
The lover or tragedian
For what will they pray
A kiss or release
From a waking grave
Will they move to better a world
Far far to lost
Or to make another sunrise
To find the one.
Sorrow now
Or sorrow later
Please note the lack of comedy dear Juliet
As you pray
For a poem

The lover and the poet
One leads the other
Is this why
Perhaps
All words desert me?

Ha.

Take Me Closer To Believing

2009-08-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

There once was
A quiet love
Who loved and loved
With all there was
In a quiet heart to give.
The quiet heart loved in silence
From any distance
Never quite gave in
Never fell too far to not stand again
The quiet heart never screamed
Never yelled
Kept passion locked inside
Chose patience over fury.
The quiet heart stood toe to toe
Against another louder than the rest
Fickle in its surety
Full of a demanding fire.
And under the din
The quiet heart fell
And bled and bled
Till there was nothing left
And as was fitting
No one heard
The quiet heart’s goodbye

Dutchess of Detroit

2009-07-30T23:15:00.001-07:00

There’s anger
Yes
And hurt
So much
And at times I think
I’ll lose my mind
For losing twice again.
Victory unheard disappears
From inside
And I feel the hollow
Like an old familiar friend.
This is as all should be
You in love and me in second place
This would be so much easier
If I didn’t want you
So much.
Leaving
Would be possible
If I didn’t love you
Too much.

Tortura

2009-07-30T23:14:00.001-07:00

Words I’ve said
Echo back
Followed by a whisper
Of everything you ever said.
Y me duele tonto
But what to do
They live in my mind
Haunt in a perfect torture.
I laugh at myself
When it’s quiet
I’ll never need cocaine
Your love is more than enough to kill me
Metaphorically of course.

Don't Take Me Seriously

2009-07-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

So you’ll die
Silent and alone
So you say
Oh love
Why do you do this
What’s the motivation
To follow
In such dismal steps.
Ours is not a lonely world
Filled by far
Too full
With too much
Of inconsequence
When you drink
At night, alone
Do you think I don’t know?
You’ll die
Silent and alone
But only if you want.
Voluntary silence
From chosen solitude.
Die
Silent and alone
For pushing me away

- I don't like the ending. it sounds too menacing, but "because" doesn't sound good to me.

Blogsurfing

2009-07-07T00:36:00.000-07:00

What is it that defines cruelty? Or more importantly what is it that defines one human’s capacity to be cruel? Where is the breaking point where one man can look at another and say, “I am going to break you. And you will not stop me.” I’ve always wondered at such. Most often I wonder if the latent cruelty I sense in others is merely like calling to like. I don’t think of myself as evil, but I must recognize that devil in my ear. This particular devil is brilliant. It knows how to act, and gives me subtle direction. It tells me how to smile and when to blink to bring someone to their knees. In this voice the weaknesses of others are revealed and mocked; the knowledge of how to catch them is seen clearly. I feel no joy in this. Rather it is a fount of power that seems to sit and stir in the bottom of my belly, as my efforts fall to fruition my veins fill with lead and I am rocked by the power of another’s destruction. Then I halt, and try to see myself as I am. What right have I to bend another’s will? I am no god, nor am I smarter than the rest. So why do I see these lines of weakness, and heed the call to make the others subservient? It’s not that I desire the attention, or want them as my own, but something in me revels in the capturing of hearts. I can’t bring myself to say a harsh word to a friend, but faced with love I find a murderous power welling and all I can think is, “you have no idea.”

Thunderstorms

2009-06-26T01:37:00.001-07:00

Palms up. An offering. An appeasing. And the man died alone. Fists up. A quarrel. And the man died alone. Head back. A chuckle. And the man died alone. "I see my breath." "You lack the capabilities to see." And they both died alone.

- Morgan B. M.

Count of Monte Cristo

2009-06-26T01:32:00.000-07:00

Oh god
Save me
Propped against the wall
I will not beg
I will not scream
You don’t own me.
Please don’t make me
Not again
God the fire and the spring
Tension holds until release
Save me.
Like so much rot
And fruit
And sweat
I’ll give whatever
I have left.
The clicks and whirs
Of a technologic age
Still play with masters
And their slaves.
So lock me down
Till there are chains
For if I’m held
Then there’s a key.
And so unbound
I may step free
And wish to beg
And wish to scream
Oh god
Save me.

Bleh

2009-06-01T22:14:00.001-07:00

Let be honest shall we?
I know
It’s been a long time
But I think we can
This time.
Who knows where we are
And fewer know
It doesn’t matter.
I’ve lost more life
Than I knew I had.
Perhaps a rebirth
More likely death
But this “tragedy”
Brings to light a surety
I thought I knew
Now I know
Of all the things I’ve wished for
I wish no more
For your love.
Your love for me
Has never
Been doubted
Less.

The Harp

2009-06-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

There are scars on the floorboards
And the sun in my eyes
Blocks my view, of the source
Of the mood.
The strings resonate and pull me inside
As always, my mind wanders to you
Revelate, Retract, Revelation!
I’ve had many
As such hearts do.
But as the applause sounds
I come to another
You may love her more, and she you
But sure as shit and taxes, I love you better

"Whatever It Is"

2009-06-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

Most every day goes by according to design
I live this dream and still it seems I have you on my mind

I can't see the future
But I know it's coming fast
It's not that hard to wind up knee-deep in the past
There come alot of Mondays
Since that phone booth that first night
Tears and miles and years and smiles
I wanna get it right.

These days I get up about the time I used to go to bed
Living large was once the deal
Now I watch the stars instead
They're timeless and predictable
Unlike most things that I do
I tell the wind and my old friend
I'm headed home to you.

From the bottom of my heart
Off the coast of Carolina
After one or two false starts
I believe we found our stride
And the walls that won't come down
We can decorate or climb
Or find some way to get around
Cause I'm still on your side
From the bottom of my heart.

- Coast of Carolina, Jimmy Buffett

This Is NOT A Surrender

2009-05-27T13:45:00.001-07:00

First words
"Hey, I know you"
Irony.
Because just now
I find I don't.
That, or you
Are no longer you
Having changed
To someone feared.
Who I thought I knew
I loved.
Who I see now
I fear.
Because the person
You were
Was never like this.
What happened?
Was it you or I?
Did my confidence
Do this?
Or did fear?
I insist
I am not her
But I see her,
In the mirror.
And she laughs at me
Because she knows.
I think that I am not her
But she was me.
So who are we?
Now in this tangle
Of unknown terror.
Where are you?
What happened to
The one who made me
Believe in
Maybe.
I guess my advice works
For everyone but me.
So do as I say
And whatever you do
Don't be like me, Love.
Promises are words
Solidified by love.
But without a heart
They vaporize
Till you hold air and
Mistake sunlight for snow.
In the sun I've never seen
A winter quite like this.
Never was so cold.
Knowing my
quest for joy
Has ended
Heartbroken.
I know.
Irony.

"It's Genetic"

2009-05-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Too many thoughts
That cheer me
In a way I shouldn’t
The sinner shouldn’t wish
To continue with the sin.
Its not right
But I really don’t care.
Call me a bad influence
I’ll laugh
And proceed to have more fun
Than you.

"One Foot Wrong You'll Have To Love Me When I'm Gone"

2009-05-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Lets not lose it
Today.
There’s fear
But its taste
Is well known
And remember
I know what to
Do now.
But I think
You forgot.
You’ve missed the sign
Not my fault.
But here’s an idea
You can make it up
To me
Piece by piece.
Come here now
This is incomplete
Let’s fix it now
The only way I know
How to fall away
Is to go as far
As I can
Lose you
Lose myself
Help me here
At least this I understand

Where Is Cinderella?

2009-05-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

So let’s break my mind
And line by line
Pull it apart.
Like so much fear
We lay and tremble
To realize
That this is how it is
Has always been.
The epic’s told
And at the story’s end
We search still
For a happy ending.
Where are you?
When I need you
I know you know
‘Cause that’s when you leave
And I miss you the most.
Someone said the crack's
In the crystal ball
I don’t believe them
The fault is in the eyes
That see only the failings of perfection.
Lovely ladies
Don’t lose it
Find me, I need your stories
Prick my finger and let me lay
For a thousand years.
Bring me to something new
Teach me to breathe
Where I couldn’t before.
Let me turn the page
Till bluebirds sing
If only in my find
.
.
.
Fuck you prince charming.

Last One

2009-05-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

Step One: Status Fail

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Da da da, da da

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Oh please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Da da da, da da

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da, da da
Please, please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)

Baby please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no

You say I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back
It's gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Baby, please, please don't leave me
- Please Don't Leave Me, Pink

Step Two: Status Incomplete

1. In school
2. Have/figured out a job
3. Time for him
4. Hw and classes organized and under control
5. No other interests
6. No diseases and addictions

+ Love me and want me

Step Three: Status Unattempted

Remember what I live for, and find joy in it.

Step Four: Status ...
Win.

Can I Have Dreamed Who Have Not Slept?

2009-05-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

Alas, how hardly things go right!
'Tis hard to watch in a summer night,
For the sigh will come, and the kiss will stay,
And the summer night is the winter day.

Alas, how easily things go wrong!
A sigh too much, or a kiss too long,
And there follows a mist and a weeping rain,
And life is never the same again.
-George MacDonald

Today is today
And shall forever be such
With a stranger chord I have never known
To echo, though shadows
Of valleys flows
Though my mind
Like an open door
To tempt me to follow.
In my head there are moors
To yet discover
But what they contain
I know will fall short
For what there was
Will never be
As I love him
And he doesn't need me.

Whore

2009-05-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

They see her
They need her
They spurn her
They love her

She is fantasy
She is delight
She is wrong
She is night

Come want her
Some pay her
Come use her
Come leave her

She won’t apologize
She won’t submit
She won’t deny
She won’t lie

They see her
She is delight
Come use her
She won’t lie

5-3-5-5

2009-05-07T19:10:00.000-07:00

Down to the garden
Go lay down
Go to the garden
I’ll follow you down

In a field of stars
High above
There’ll be such a glow
Where the fireflies go

Such patience I see
Midst a fire
Delight another
Quest to be higher

I’d say we go round
Prickly pear
But I find more joy
With sun in your hair

The Snake Returns

2009-05-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

In the garden down she lay
to watch the clouds float by.
Pretty girl, do you see
how glorious the light
becomes as it flirts upon
such untainted skin.
keep your focus on the lilies
don't turn your head.
i promise, she's not as beautiful as you.
Just relax in your garden
more graceful by far, than hers
though, it dwarf your just a mite
While her roses outshine yours,
your lilacs are by far
the largest and the brightest
I have ever seen.
Now pretty girl, where do you go?
don't leave your garden chair.
If you must go, then i suppose
watch your step, don't fall.

2009-04-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

Cornered
Small
Help me
Please
Don't be like him
Cause he broke me
I'll make it up to you I swear
Fuck. What can I do
I've been here, I know the plot
Last time I got it
But if I get this, than I lose you

Response to the Hollow Men

2009-04-07T21:30:00.001-07:00

I am stuffed
With straw
Yes.
But I find myself
No hollow
Filled rather
With golden straw
That gleams
And radiates
Like sunbeams though the canopy.
Perhaps this is lost, though
We are lost
To the sunlight on the ruins.
But the broken gods
They dance in beams
And so appear to delight
In weaving the straw
That streams from the sky.
So who is hollow then
If not us?
Perhaps the brilliance lost
Stranded, without fear.
Dear Bobby*, Dear Allen**
We beg of you be kind
Forgive us, as we know not what we do,
For we are not hollow
Filled with straw
And its glow.
In the light of ourselves
Our self souls see violence
But unseeing to the lost.
We forget
About those broken gods.
And so we lie
And we die
Unopened to greatness
That spilled from you like straw
From a scarecrow,
In a long untended field,
That split
With a bang

*Bobby Fisher. **Allen Turing

Different Winters

2009-04-07T21:01:00.001-07:00

In summer I will wait
Wait on you
I will be patient as leave turn to flakes
Of snow, that drift gently to the ground
And as they pile, and melt from coats before open fires
As children return to school, and thoughts turn to green
I will be patient.
I know you have a long way to travel,
For me the cold heralds being reborn
To you the dead and dying trees call
In the same snow we see different winters
But as the sun shines though
So will joy with you
Though December we will part,
And I shall miss my heart
At the touch of spring we find again
Our paths to merge.
Let the sun open your eyes to me
At the touch of spring.

Wussy

2009-03-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

I’m scared
That I won’t be enough
That I can’t fix
Whatever makes you sad.
Of love, I have no doubt
Maybe that’s why
I worry so much.
I wish I could make you happy
In all things
Though I know that can not be
But still, maybe it’s enough to try
If I try hard enough
Will you smile back at me?

needs severe beating

2009-03-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

This time, distinct
Shall forever be
In memory of certain things.
In a pothole on a road
That leads to your house.
The crunch of the gravel
That brings you to mine.
I remember days
With the scent of pine
And dirt, and doing
Nothing.
Just nothing.
But sometimes those are my favorite
There’s no story to remember
No dialogue thread
Just you.

Bitchfest 2

2009-03-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

There’s time, alas, I have only in dreams
When I wake I find with discontent
Something I forgot to do it seems
I’d weep, but for a lack of time to rent
In frustration, I find my efforts fail
To elicit a glimmer or reward.
I’ve no soul to pour out my sad tale.
No hope, no dream, that I may move toward
Still in dark, I find myself a light.
And towards you I tread, feet touch only air.
In this walk, I move away from blight
To the end of time, I’d follow love there
For you, your love, I would give all my self
Until, of never, it become the twelfth

Bitchfest 1

2009-03-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

When midst the clanging and the sound, I find
My words are brought before most unkind judge
I find that my company hath maligned
My care from that of Kings to Fools. I trudge
An aching path with no reward. Losing
Faith. It is with envy I view those on
A more mundane path. I weep, for falling
On such wretched times. I must be withdrawn.
Still, at these points of no compare there’s joy
Oh, yet to be found. I can think of none
No gem nor luxury that can deploy
Such love in my heart that can’t be undone.
So though darkness sometimes will soft call
For your love I would, with joy, forsake all.

Snow Day

2009-03-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

I watched my window
And beyond it saw
A snowflake hover
To fight the fall.
Against gravity
It struggled soft
And yet I had to wonder.
Was this exact, and tiny piece
Particular?
Was it, as snowflakes go
Extraordinary? Perhaps
The lone underdog,
Here to win the fight.
Or a frozen princess lost in time.
But as I mused
It lost the will
And began to fall
Quiet, calm
To join them all.

Definition

2009-03-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

I heard a thump
And looked away
To see a dictionary fall.
And it made me think
About the words, and what
Right one has to say.
Say red is white and black is grey
But only just to me
You see green in everything,
But we still think the same.
The politicians fight all day
To define this and that
Love will change, but marriage stays
Or is that the other way?
Universal suffrage, was only for a half
Yet superiority comes from the mother land.
The book that fell, I’d put it back
But it looks alright to me
Its definitions stand on end
See page 1075, halfway down, for normalcy

Hopeless

2009-01-21T17:04:00.000-08:00

A primary dream
Of secondary beings
What say you
In the face of run down things
Do you look at them
Straight in the eye
Till a soul opens wide
And you are consumed
By the glory, the tragic power
Of the things broken.
Are you consumed by the knowledge
Of the point
Where he became she became things
In the outside sun I stand and wonder
Where are we
And what of the things

*needs editing.

Children's Story

2008-12-21T21:05:00.001-08:00

When it thunders
Can it be just you and me?
Can it be
Just the rain
And the song
And you and me.
Will you be ok
If the others,
They leave.
And is it alright
If when they go,
I love you, still.

Moral Needed

2008-12-15T18:57:00.000-08:00

Snap and break
But not today.
Today it is unchanging
As such things ought to be.

Such it seems
Oh silly one.
To think you know
Leaves me only
To wish you the best
The absolute top
Of luck.
Because, let’s face it
You’re hopeless.

---

Why am I again told to silence?
If you were asked to speak
There would be no end to righteous sound.
I am angry. I want to respond.
I stand. Let me defend this, you.
You'd be attacked before giving me the light.
I disagree, my dear. And I'll be damned to not say so

---

Isn't it funny
These twists of fate
That give too much
Before they take.
Everything you've dreamed
Meanders into reach
But know this now
Or it will seem
You wake
To naught but empty space

Different Application

2008-12-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
The kind of feeling I've waited so long

Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rhythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

Oh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true

Oh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
We'll make this dream come true
-Digital Love, Daft Punk

The 1% is about Nature

2008-11-29T21:32:00.000-08:00

After the drought
There comes the rain
And the farmers stand
And cast their gaze
To storm clouds that rise
Above the barren land
To bring to life the product
Of soil and breath spent
Too long in the field.
So comes the waters
Into rivers. that flow
And overflow and are
Simply too much.
Now the farmers may
Watch the soil
As it goes to sea
To drown the life
It began.

1.18.27

2008-11-25T18:09:00.000-08:00

So hour
Fly
By and let me forget
Just who I am
And what I yet
Am owed
By fate.
Such seems beyond
My reach
As so many times
I’ve merely brushed the wind.
What right have I
To rise?

---
Time to stop being distracted. Blarg.
I really need to start writing stuff with substance. Goddamned fluff

"X is just to mark the spot, 'cause that's the one you really want"

2008-11-22T17:27:00.001-08:00

Ever notice how it's all the same?
You fall into "right"
And there you stay
Till the story unclicks
And you go on your way.
The music shifts
To a ballad you echo
And it lights up your face
As we try to guess
What's behind the other's eyes.
So don't you see
If we've been here before
Then...
Then I don't know
If it's all the same
Might as well enjoy the ride

...

2008-11-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

Please
Let's looks at what's contained
In so few
Beats
It betrays
The tumult
And terror.
And for a heart
Power holds and
Hovers.
Catch a lip
Tension
Patience now
Please

From the Child

2008-11-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

Let's go again
Try harder
We'll get there, I promise.
Not that this has anything
To do with you.
My heart
My map
My life
...my...
You know.
That thought
The one that speaks
When lines unlock
It's here,
Let's go

---

Cross your fingers
Count to ten.
You...
Oh if only you knew,
But you see,
I don't.
I've been playing games
But not this one.
I know the rules though,
If that helps.
Shit. Confusion.
FWCBB?
Oh god, lol.

Hmpf.

2008-11-12T18:22:00.000-08:00

I've heard say say that words
Don't do justice to this world.
And I'm beginning to believe.
Maybe if somehow
I could meld these words together
Mix joy and comfort, laughter, light
shared, together, calm, right, real,
worth , warm, touch, revelation,
hold, clear, wonder, soar, new,
and Change
Then I could communicate
This place, this wonder,
(stop me now before I list again)
That exists
(say it, say it - but I don't wanna - SAY IT!)
withyou.

Maybe I'm Just Trying To Keep Up

2008-11-06T18:40:00.000-08:00

Crashing and lighting and soaring
Come rush through these veins of mine
The power and tremble of fear
Assures me the the song is all mine

For lack of a sea, here I stand
Imagining waves in the grass
While soaring away from the keys
Come remembering stanzas of past

Now silence I say!
Crescendo to more
Know the sound while we write down the score

Break free at last
From those final notes
And with and leap and a bound to the sea

Handprint

2008-11-04T18:52:00.000-08:00

So let's talk about fingertips.
The intricacies and whorls
The silent trip a mind takes to trace
The million valleys and loops.
When did I learn to read a soul
In such a small space?
And if our hands should touch
What would you tell me
Silently
Are you lonely?
I'd save you if I could
But this time
I've a different story
To follow, on a different hand

Just So I Don't Forget

2008-11-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

Walk with me
Walking down a darkened road
We barely know but what we’re told
Thrown out into a street of dreams
Grand illusion and laughing screams
Glancing about, we hope to find
Some rhythm or some guide
Yet we wonder aimlessly, alone
Anonymous in the sea of swimming bodies
Lost in a crowded town.
I saw you looking around
I saw you waiting for the bus
You sat next to me
You asked for a light
And now I wonder just where you’ve gone
And if we’ll ever speak again
But I wish you the best
And hope you’ll walk with me again

---

Another victim
Come here girl
I like your taste
Beautiful Imagination
And look at those legs
What a pretty picture
On your fair skin
Why don't you come over
And let me in
On your dreams
And your wants,
Your needs and your Lusts.
Come, come and show me
The rest of your soul
And let me purchase from you
For some gold
A taste of your mind
A glimpse of your thoughts
Come over, and show me these things
But i have found
Something to my liking
Your form itself
s a work of divinity
Let me take from you
Not a painting
But on this night
A taste of your flesh
A drink of your innocence
And most of all, your beautiful art
Its what i value most
Its what I'm here for
But your exquisite flesh
To feel and caress
It captivates and humbles
Its trace intoxication
A wondrous mind
And when the night is done
You come to find your art unexamined
Your clothing discarded
And in your hand
The first payment
Of the newly christened
and hardly painted
jezebel, her dreams shattered.

-Both by Andrew P

Boast

2008-10-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hear me now, who knowth not
The wrath of wind and wave.
I stand before you muddled sons of land,
A fearless spawn a proud descendant
Of the king of Absolutely, That brave
Mariner formerly of ten feet less,
Shall we say… Finkelsplatt.
Kneel now and you shall hear
The tale of that darkest night
And coldest rain that men may face.
It begins before the breaking dawn
When the sun has yet to light
Round the helm we sailors stood
Huddled ‘bout the fair, the favored
The lady in green, who graces the sleepless.
To our goddess of starbucks, that morn we prayed.
At the tenth hour we stood, ready for the gun.
Amidst the chaos we circled, calling out
“One minute! Goddamnit Charlie, hold your bow!”
At last the signal, and we were off.
Tantivy to left, a false tripp to the wind
Undaunted, close hauled we sped along.
But our fickle fiend, that cruel northerly
Changed the course. So sails changed
Amidst the crashing waves.
At last
The mark was in sight, a god forsaken spit
Of land that all good, all wise and prudent
Sailors avoid. To the island of Smith we laid our eyes.
But the sky had turned, and cast her fury at us
Frozen pellets stung our faces and sent even the fearless
The formerly undaunted hero of ten degrees below.
We called to our aid the heater and oven
Baking lasagna to keep moral high
But when the wind died we were left no choice.
Bold Meyer was brought, and bolstered spirits though the calm
As last the breeze returned and to finish we sped.
Returning to the dock in dark of night. In second
We stood. To slow by a fraction. Yet to this day
We are still thawing our bones from that dreaded,
That damned, Island of smith.

Battle Time

2008-10-29T20:11:00.001-07:00

So what to do
Let's heft the sword and move along
Like we know the path.
Like we know ourselves.
You are.
The closet to me
The one who runs without distance
Between us.
So what now?
When the track disappears?
Or is replaced?
Don't leave me lost
You know I don't like it
Like I know you're afraid
It's inherent
This flight
Because we both know
We won't survive the fight.

Chapstick

2008-10-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Simply said
My lips are dry.
But I was to scared to go
To my car
Alone.
And now I don't know.
You stood up to join,
To walk with me.
But now it seems
You've locked the door
And lost the key.

This battle between us
-While on common ground
Has an uncommon prize
That's yet to be found

So here's toasting to you
To hoping you'll find
The right key and right time
To come walk with me
Here's to; Next time.

Reference To...

2008-10-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

So here again's
The faithless end
The twists of fate
That love to hate.
I know of no reason
The songs as they are
Must sound like a riot
Of blood thirsty whores.
The look of the dream
Is marvously clear
-Till it's realized
To be only a mirror.
No matter the wishing
The well has run dry
And as hard as you try
You can't seem to...

Remembered Lines

2008-09-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

Atomic

The light
The electricity
That porcelain state of being
A live wire
That breathes and cracks
Till I am lost
In the electricity of almost.
Bring me to Faith
Unto the end
Until I scream
Never, never
(whisper) Land

----

Sunsets

It seemed to me
A patient memoir
Bathed to brilliance
In gods own colors.
A smiling dawn
With no remorse
And little cause
To change the course

Summer Days

2008-08-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ramble wander on
I won't tell if you do
Let's call it a dance as we run away
Should life catch up
Never fret
That's what the fire is for

---

And in a timing
Much less precious
Could we meet again?
In a dreamscape
had I known
Would i have changed
The now.
The precious space of being
Not quite free, but strong
And in that strength
What will be?

---

God it tears my heart out
When you look that way
But what am I to do?
Look away?
As if I could.
You're so beautiful
And I hope you know that
And I wish I didn't hate him
But more I wish I was him
So you could look at me like that

---

A missed connection
Pretty one, please
Smilie at me again.
'cause light abounds
And love surrounds.
Will you
Stop.
Twirl.
Dream
It
Real.
Keep alive
This faith inside

I Fear

2008-05-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

Es una lastima
Temer
Tener miedo
Estar triste
Es una lastima
Estar frio
Y solo
Es una lastima
Odiar
Y no saber

-Translation-
It is a pity
To fear
To be afraid
To be sad
It is a pity
To be cold
And alone
It is a pity
To hate
And not to know

Reasons

2008-05-22T19:22:00.001-07:00

I am for love
I am for two people who love each other more than society hates
I am for two people who love their laws enough to hold them
I am for the teen who loves her baby enough to save it
I am for the teen who is scared she won't be able to love enough
I am for the one who loves her life enough to run
I am for the family who loves each other enough to stay together
I am for the one who loves enough
-----to
------leave
-------all
---------else

Move Back

2008-05-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

Seems a long way off
There's a shadow 'cross the wall
It sneaks and steals, kills and feels
Like something we once knew

A different flavor's on the sky
Such beautiful beautiful eyes
Will they see the truth in light?
Again, but what will be?

Leave the night to weave a soul
Passions gone and left control
To those who see and yet walk blind
With frozen hands to hold back time

Advanced Placement

2008-05-14T20:51:00.001-07:00

God save the wild eyed wanderer
Who knows no where he goes.
He travels by the sound of water in the skies.
He hath in his minds eye
A vision when it snows
Of warmer things and smiling dreams
That keep him moving on.

---

Sanity
Be thy unrest
A bit and parcel
Of the whole

I'll love you once
And once again
Though madness told
It yet to be

I've heard this makes
But little sense
Madman and the sage
Both brought in effect

Light of night
And kindly fears
Daylights edge
Is washed away

Keep thine mouth shut
Keep thine eyes wide
And we'll rise above
The forgotten tide

---

Be thine unrested powers
At the hands of patience be
Mayhap the willow and the wasp
Lie 'neath the butter tree

For all that's told been done
And mayhem's on the tounge
Let us rally with the young
And slide backwards down the rung

Natality or causalty
Freedom's not so new
A yet unwilling witness
To the cobra and the yew

Birdies

2008-05-10T22:42:00.000-07:00

You know
Before then
It wasn't real.
I didn't see that you were theirs
An I am someone's else.
But what to do,
If you look at me?
Or I just wished you did?
Ahh me
Such silly things...

Personal

2008-04-23T18:04:00.001-07:00

I am People
I am strong
I am weak
I and black white
and in between
I am a mother father
neighbor stranger
I am liberal
I am conservative
I am mainstream
I rebel
I am gay
I am straight
I am religious
I am atheist
I don't know
I am lost
I am found
I am flight
I am fight
I am nature
and I nurture
I am many things
But overwhelmingly
I am People

Britta's Poem of Outrage at Humanity

2008-04-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

Day of Silence

Is it the Day of Noise?
It should be.
Actions speak louder than words
you know.
does what we do speak louder than what we say?
According to some.
Dare we stand up and say what we think?
we Dare.
To stand apart , to stand tall, to say what needs to be said.

What must be said.
What needs must happen.
What happened to need?
To hmanity?
Peace?
Compassion?
What happened to Empathy?
Instead of the Apathy?
That threatens to tear us apart.

Today's Events

2008-04-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

Where to
begin?
I am fumbled
from the day and
feel sticky
with the nervous
sweat of why-do-I-do-this.

I tremble at the
tattoo
of my heart
as cowardice prevents
an answer --
who-are-you?

Surely moments
Smiles
And the deep resounding
Presence of Laughter

But what about the
silent child?
Does there exist a common
thread to live,
Through time's ungainly
---march?

By: Emily B 4/21/08

-----------------------------------------------------

Hey Middle Child
Welcome to the Light
You know that I see you
Even when the Sun's too Bright

You in the Shadows
Welcome to mine Eyes
They will see what I see
When there's no fear in Night

----------------------------------------------------

shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupTALKshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
Make up your mind
What do you want?
This doesn't hurt you
Why is it my fault
You know it's not my fault
This corruption is below us both
Let's talk it out.
Peace.

DOS

2008-04-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

I find it funny that
I'm fighting for you
You who would run me over
And prentend you were never there
For you who say this has no place
And for this there's no need
For your right to believe.
But what about me?
When can I believe,
When can I speak up
And state my peace?

Together

2008-04-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

A song just like rain
With it's thundering words
Bright flashes of passion
And torrents of tears

Would that I could
Of I only could say
How the force that is you
Just Lights up my day

Something Inquisitvie
Just like a song
Wants to go stand in the rain
Wants to know
---If you could
Would you stand in the rain for a song?

Espana

2008-03-30T19:37:00.000-07:00

Oh my,
'S been some time
Since I've seen that face
That flash and fire
Hot and gone.
The steady flame has burned
And still does
To comfort and give.
It's Home.
But the power in that second.
God, what a rush.
I'd forgotten,
'S been too long.

===========

I wish the world was how you wanted.
Better than I imagined.
With strawberries and love and freedom of thought
And I think, When laughter is free,
And inhibition is damned,
Then the world may be.

I Believe

2008-03-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

Livin with my eyes closed, goin day to day
I never knew the difference, I never cared either way
Lookin for a reason, searchin for a sign
Reachin out with both hands, I gotta feel the kick inside
All fired up
Now I believe there comes a time
All fired up
When everything just falls in line
All fired up
We live an learn from our mistakes
All fired up, fired up, fired up - hey

Aint nobody livin, in a perfect world
Everybodys out there, cryin to be heard
Now I got a new fire, burnin in my eyes
Lightin up the darkness, movin like a meteorite

Chorus:
All fired up
Now I believe there comes a time
All fired up
When everything just falls in line
All fired up
We live an learn from our mistakes
All fired up, fired up, fired up
The deepest cuts are healed by faith
Now I believe there comes a time
When everything just falls in line
We live an learn from our mistakes
The deepest cuts are healed by faith

Now I believe there comes a time
When everything just falls in line
We live an learn from our mistakes
The deepest cuts are healed by faith
Now I believe there comes a time
When everything just falls in line
We live an learn from our mistakes
The deepest cuts are healed by faith
Now I believe there comes a time
When everything just falls in line
We live an learn from our mistakes
The deepest cuts are healed by faith
Now I believe

-Pat Benatar, All Fired Up

Just Keep Swiming

2008-03-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

Well there she goes
Gone again.
What a smile, too far away
I wish that I'd been braver
Thought to take a chance
But you seemed so happy with your world
I couldn't intervene.
So here I try again
To send you my best wish
Go and see this world
Take care, My pretty girl.

O.O

2008-02-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

Panic now,
What to do?
Curtain's ruptured,
Wall's down.
Run along.
No help now.
Too far gone.
Run along,
Long, long
gone.

Shame

2008-02-17T21:23:00.000-08:00

So you don't want to talk to me?
Fine,
Though I've one thing to say;
People call me a whore,
When you tell lies.
People call you a whore,
When I tell the truth.

Rachel Marie

2008-01-02T19:12:00.001-08:00

Hey Girl
I hope it's better there
I hope you've found your peace
I'm sure you look gorgeous with your wings
You were Beautiful here, too
And I wish I'd know you
Enough to stop the hurt
Or to have helped at all
A brief and precious state of mind
We miss you

Hiss

2007-12-18T17:17:00.000-08:00

Alas
It seems there's been a misunderstanding
Between the definition
And distinction,
Of a word.
And a situation.
This. Is. My. Battle.
This is. not. my fight
What I begin
I will close
What you begin
I will hold.
You throw the shot
I assume we fight
And I will be damned.
If I let my sheild down
And all of you.
Every one.
Who told me to let it go
To just forgive.
I did.
The time before,
and before,
before.
This is now.
And I'm though with it.

-------------

I don't think
I know
You don't understand
You empathize, maybe
But otherwise blind.
Maybe I'm strange,
Or just slightly odd
But I'm tired of this.
I'm done with being told to just forget it
I didn't start this,
Why is it mine?
I stand up for you
Why can't you just stand by me?
You don't have to fight
Just don't tell me to surrender
Because just. this. once.
I want to stand.
No more falling.
Please.
Just let me be human.
Let me be angry.

2007-12-18T17:14:00.001-08:00

why do i feel like I'm losing it
Like I'm not going to make it
Like it
Has gotten the better of me
What is happening?
I don't understand it and I sure as hell don't like it
I'm losing it
I can't keep it
Like it's running and I'm not fast enough
Not enough time
For all of it
It it it
You me them
I'm losing it

Sounding Off

2007-12-06T17:47:00.001-08:00

Like a poet in motion
This soul in my veins
It sings and it sings and it screams
The lyrics and tune
I like them just fine
It's the end of the screams
That haunts me at times
For when it is quiet
Then I have gone deaf
And those lyrics and tune
I won't hear again

=

2007-12-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

I must say
It facinates me.
Simply. Let's simplify.
Joy is joy
Don't quantify
A child's smile.
If love = light
And light = life
Then love = life
Sencillo, no?

2007-12-01T19:09:00.000-08:00

Please help me
Anyone
I'm begging
I'll sink as low as i need
But save me please.
This is my home,
Sanctuary from the distopias about
So what am i supposed to do
When all the mirrors come crashing down?
The words.
Forget about the fucking words
Remember who speaks.
A mother kills to save her baby.
Is she evil?
A father fights to keep his life.
Is he wrong.
No.
We're all just human.
And it's about time we remembered that.

Outcasts

2007-11-28T18:19:00.000-08:00

It's an odd sort of heartbreak
Being an outcast.
Like the world's fallen down,
And left you to stand
With no where to go
And no one to call
To pull you forth
From wreckage and rust
Let's stare at the silver
And we will survive
As outcasts together

Story

2007-11-21T20:09:00.000-08:00

In the end it was a classic. Nothing original, but old time honored ideas placed into a new package and pushed into the market again. But what could be done? There may be no limit to ideas, but there is a limit to how many a person may access within their lifetime. So is it really surprising that the plot contained nothing to be toted as brilliant or original? That was simple the state of things and it could not be altered.

To be truthful he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to edit it. Call him silly and sentimental, but it was his secret project and he rather liked it. Grammatically correct with a foolproof plot, it had reduced even Shari to tears. A difficult task granted Shari was perhaps the toughest individual alive. But it was worth it, three years of his life lived like an outcast. Three years of beating his head against the wall until it bled, just to make the right words spill out.

A boy who loves a girl

Simple. But that was the first page. And essentially, that was his story. His great American novel was nothing other than a love story. A romance between two teenagers in the midst of a normal society. Simplistic and classic. He didn’t care much that he was a guy, and guys were not supposed to feel emotion, much less allow it out onto paper. This was his talent, the manipulation of words until one forgot that they were, in fact, outside the story.

Opens his mouth to share his mind

So with the manuscript in hand he walked through the halls. The pages bundled tightly into a neat, eight and one half by eleven inch, black and white stack. It was strange to walk those halls with the papers under his arm. It felt as though the entire world would look at him, look at the pages, and see right through him. And what they would do with the knowledge terrified him. If they could see into his mind, the inner workings, would they approve? Or would it be his fate to wander eternity shunned. But life is nothing without a thrill, so he continued to walk, pausing occasionally to speak to someone he knew, or smile at someone he’d like to know.

But is muzzled by the mind itself

He stopped now. Because she was there, standing there beside her locker the same as everyday. She was his best friend. The one he’d trusted most, but even she didn’t know. And today he would tell her. Confess his thoughts and let her read them, to see if she’d approve. He could see it, her mouth soften while her eyes smiled, she would turn the pages and understand everything he kept to himself. The bits of his soul she always encouraged him to bare. Here it was, everything he’d ever wanted, neatly typed, times new roman and double spaced. She looked up and waved hello. He stopped. What if she was like the rest? What if no matter how high a pedestal he placed her on, she was still the same as them all. What if she looked at him, at the words, and laughed. Shook her head and left?

So the cycle begins again

In such a mindset of total terror he arrived at the locker. Hellos were exchanged and, being naturally curious, she asked what he was carrying, oh nothing, nothing important, was the response he said as he stuffed it in his locked and quickly closed it.

“So how was your weekend?”

“Fine, yours?”

“About the same.”

With the formalities out of the way they turned and went to class, chemistry today. One of their favorites it gave them a chance to talk while pretending to study a frog or whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. The freedom to chose their own lab partners was greatly appreciated as well.

Not unlike all the times before

Once in class they sat down in their seats. Where they always did. After all, this was their spot. Everyone knew. The teacher stood in front of the class and spoke, they didn’t pay attention, never did. The scrape of chairs and shuffling of papers alerted them to the fact that the lab was beginning. He moved, automatically, towards their lab station, this time, it was she who stopped. His name was Mike, she said, only blushing a little, is it ok to work with him today? Overhead the lights fluttered, victims of budget cutbacks, sure, he shrugged, makes no difference to me. You’re the best, said she.

But something is harsher this time.

From his lab station, he watched them. And when it finally made him sick, and he had to blink, he turned his eyes towards the instructions before him. But alas it was simply words. He stared at them and rearranged, turned them from something drab to something beautiful, placed them where they ought to be. But no one noticed. Not even she, she was with Mike. The sound of them reached his ears. And while she laughed his thoughts rewound to the writing of his story. The hero had made a joke, to cheer up this lonely girl, and the girl had looked at him with sparkling eyes and laughed. And with that laugh she said so much, she said thank you, you’ve made me happy, and for that I may be able to love you. And he remembered trying to describe that laugh, and thinking back to her, remembering the last time she laughed. He remembered dreaming at night of how she;d look, with that laugh in her face when he told her that she was his motivation. His inspiration for that laugh.

With reason unknown, the sting is amplified.

But the script was in his locker. And it would stay there. Because the story had to be changed. Silly him for thinking it was done, for thinking happily ever after made a good ending. He’d have to change it. And when he had changed, he would show it to her and see if it made her happy. The girl, in his story, she would meet and angel, yes, an angel on earth, and together then would leave for sights unknown. The hero who made he laugh. He would stand back and let her go, understanding that she needed someone with wings like hers. And he would hope she would forgive him for ever trying to hold her back, for selfish reasons. For thinking that one like her would have time to read his story. But it didn’t matter much how he changed it really, one way or another, it would be a classic.

Friends

2007-11-17T20:21:00.000-08:00

Dear friends
I have a question
What does it take
To become, one of you
So much time and yet i feel
Like I failed the test.
Maybe I'm just seeing things
I've done that before
Thought there was nothing
But it was really just me.
So now I'm falling
Down a tunnel of my own design
Wanting you to save me
Wanting you to need me
Wanting you to ignore the fact
That I hit Self Destruct
Before I fell

Anger*

2007-11-10T14:01:00.000-08:00

Fight me please
Love shouldn't be easy
It needs fire
And almost hate
To be worth it
I need to know
This isn't a fluke
Of a restless heart
I want to see lighting
Like anger
In your eyes
Let me be your
---Fear
--------And
------------Hate
So there can be no doubt
You love me

Storms*

2007-11-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

On a beautiful day
I will for clouds
For thunder and lighting
To strike down
For win to lash around the trees
And rain to drown the grass
I want the sky to darken
To see the heavens cry
Let the gale rip the flowers
Till petals dance in flight
The sun is simply colorless
Till it illuminates the rain

The Storyteller*

2007-11-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

My thoughts
Like a traveling army
Stop.
Because there is no more
The lake is dry
And the fire dead
The music has stopped
And the dancers are still
Patiently
I will wait
Till you have another story
To tell

Let It Go*

2007-11-10T13:56:00.000-08:00

When everything is at its worst
You just have to let go
Sit back and laugh
Forget questions
"How did this happen?"
Is no longer relevant
It just is
In the dark
Let yourself thinks
Nothing else to do
Time continues
And so will you
It's out of your control again
Just like forever

My Friend*

2007-11-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

Give me a second
Before we deconstruct
Everything
Give me a moment
Before the world falls apart
To remember
The dawn
And the day
Of perfect friends
Things left unsaid scream at me
What happened?
Is this a game of my imagination?
Or just the truth
Even if you walk away
I will never leave
Trust can seesaw all it wants
I am always your friend

Mirrored Sound*

2007-11-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

Silence breaks
With a crystal sound
Somewhere off in Otherwhere
Stillness sparkles
And peace is seldom lost
But that is there and this is here
And quiet is a hindrance
We dress ourselves in screaming garb
We prefer to think out loud
Still believe the loudest is right
We live to hear the sound

To The Mimes*

2007-11-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

You chose

To put yourself in a box
To willingly hold yourself in
Deliberately cut off
I can not comprehend
I can not fathom why
You stand aside
Tether yourself to silence
For the sake of looking at the world
From a different view

To see the tatters we miss

No Difference *

2007-11-10T13:48:00.001-08:00

Dance
Whirl
Treasure
Sound
Frozen passion
Brittle ground
Heartbeat
Drumbeat
You me
There is no difference
That I can see
Flesh
Fire
You
Me
Locked door

Broken key

Jinn*

2007-11-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

Look away
To someplace else
Somewhere not so lost
Or forgotten
The ruins of the future lay about
But your eyes see something else
A color lost in mind
Begging to be free
To run rampant
And change the world you know
The heavy cost of pride is etched
In stubborn face and stance
Refuse all pity or apology for who. you. are.
Unbroken, unbending, unforgiving
You and the land

Of Sunlight

2007-11-01T16:39:00.000-07:00

Of sunlight and...
What?
Shadows? or rain time?
Of light and ink?
And pages stained
With thoughts to sharp to breathe
Of night and fields
And words aflight
Soar with me and fall
And where we land
Alive, become
Of sunlight and love

Rest In Peace

2007-10-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know
I guess i'm sorry
Just sorry
Sorry that for a minute i forgot
That you hurt her, she loved me
You made her cry
And I hate you for that
But I miss you
I miss you because I never knew you
Hell, what about the others
Did you ever let anyone know you?
What was your favorite color?
What did you do for fun?
Wait.
I know this one
You. wrote.
Wrote history alive
Gave me a story that i understood
I was so...Proud
Proud to have your blood.
I remember sitting, and thinking
So this is where i got it from
This desire to tell the story, to make it real
It came from you.
And from you, came him
And from him, me.
And I, I need him.
I need to understand.
Why.
Why didn't you just look around and see?
You're a fucking writer, observe
Figure out what's going on
This wasn't supposed to be a tragedy
So I'm not going to cry anymore
Dry eyed.
I'm sorry

Again and Again and Again

2007-10-26T19:11:00.001-07:00

Please no
I turned away
I don't want this, not again
But as of yet.
I return
To this crossroad
Too subtle, its likeness I didn't see
Until
It stood
there.
And I forgot where I had left

Well Then

2007-10-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hello Humanity
Humility
Remember me? I guess you needn't
I haven't been this way a while
It matters most to me
To condense
This thought I've
Had.
Oh dear, I do believe I've tripped

Bitch Please.

2007-10-17T19:39:00.001-07:00

Let me explain something;
Pretty is not an excuse
Simpering giggles do not cloak
The shallowness of you
You have what you want.
ascended
I understand.
But do not think
That he raises you above me
Trying to look down on me
Will not disguise the fact
You. Fall.
And when you realize this. decent
Best hope all debts are settled
Before. you.
Fall.